Monday, May 08, 2006

Where's the DUH in Da Vinci?

I'm starting this blog because there are things I read and things I see that get under my skin and make me want to slap people silly until they're thinking straight again. And today, the thing that irritates me are the religious zealots who seem to think the Da Vinci Code was written by Satan himself.

It's a WORK OF FICTION, people! Do people walk into a bookstore, browse the fiction section, pick up this book, and HOLY JUMPING JUNIPERS have a stunning realization that the book was incorrectly shelved and really belongs in the true crime section?

Now Catholic groups are demanding that the movie coming out soon have a disclaimer to inform the public that the movie is a work of fiction.

Is this really necessary? Was there also a disclaimer on Mission Impossible III--just in case someone might accidentally think the movie was true? Perhaps we should include a disclaimer on Ice Age 2: The Meltdown. Oh, drats, that's actually based on a true story. There was an ice age, after all, and it did melt, so let's label that one 'based on a true story' since accuracy is more important than facts,

When you walk into the typical movie theater, do people really think they're watching real life? Perhaps with the exception of United 93--a movie I haven't seen but rumor has it it might be the most true-to-life story ever created for the theaters. Even those 'based on a true story' movies usually have more fiction than fact in them.

Maybe I'm not giving the Pope enough credit. Perhaps he wants to stir up controversy regarding this movie. When the Pope tells the world that you should boycott the movie, well dog gone, I want to see why I'm not supposed to be seeing it! It could just be a conspiracy to drum up a little business for the movie. And of course, everyone knows it's a work of fiction because they've turned it into a controversy. And therefore they can educate the non-Christians of the world and seduce them with the power of their faith. What a wickedly clever idea.

It's a win-win situation. The Catholics have gotten tons of publicity out of the deal, and so has Dan Brown. Now Dan Brown I think is smart enough to realize that a bit of controversy is going to help sales. I don't really think the Pope is smart enough to realize this, however. If he were, he'd have gone into business school instead.

I, for one, am sick of hearing about the controversy. Only an idiot would believe the film was true, and for you idiots out there, there's a bridge in New York I'd like to sell you.....

It's kind of surprising that the other religions of the world don't seem to care about a disclaimer. Certainly Muslims and Hindus of the world also agree that the book and movie are fiction. Do Catholic groups demand movies about the history of Muslims come with a disclaimer? Of course not--we believe in the freedom of religion. We believe everyone has the right to pray to the god or gods of their choice. So let's assume some people really do believe this book is based on fact. There's a huge mass of people out there that believe Jesus got married and popped off some particularly mobile sperm. I'll be the first to say those people are idiots, but idiots have rights too and if they want to believe the descendents of Jesus are still walking around today, then by golly, let them. Stop persecuting these idiots.

I hope, someday, that the Pope will diss me. I'm writing a book too--about my Appalachian Trail adventures. Oh, the wicked sinners I met along the trail. *shaking head* No, I cannot imagine my book would please the Pope at all. Probably call it mean names and say it should be boycotted. People should spend their time reading the Bible instead of the filth I'm writing. Please, please, please, Mr. Pope, give my book a dreadful, scathing review. I could use the money. I'll even cut you in for some of the profits.


speedsquare said...

You got that right!

W&MGrad said...

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you totally missed the point of the controversy surrounding this movie. It has nothing to do with Jesus, Mary Magdalene or the Pope. Instead, it is the casting of Tom Hanks. It was hard to take at first but I think the majority of the population was able to accept it with time. And then we saw the true travesty--his hair. The guy has a comb-over mullet! The two worst things a man can do to his hair! Oh the horror!!!!!!